'Broken Rules'
‘Broken Compass’
I was lying in bed, and I couldn’t sleep because I felt so agitated. There was something burning in me, and I had to let it out, but I had no idea what it was (at the time.) I had so much to say, but no way to say it. I wrote it down, over and over and over, but words were not the answer, and that’s when I realised that I didn’t need words, I needed art.
I got out of bed and I went to the studio. There were two big 90x90cm canvasses at the back of my cupboard, so I pulled them out, I lay them down on the floor, and I poured everything I was feeling into them. I wasn’t feeling very good. Fuck. I was feeling angry. I was EXTREMELY angry. I was distraught. I was nervous, afraid, anxious, stressed and confused. I didn’t paint them - I think I fought them. I threw paint at them. I punched them. I broke them. I put my hands all over them. I stitched them. I put a hammer through them. I tore them. I set them on fire……….and I felt better. I realised then, that the way out of whatever this was, was through art.
‘Broken Compass’ is meant to be both ugly and beautiful, flawed and striking, but I think you might have to actually be in front of it to appreciate that. I wanted it to say something about our own moral compass - broken, flawed, misaligned. The way that we treat each other, even with time and choice on our side (because that’s the beauty of social media) is appalling. It was infecting my mind and I had to make some work about it. I spent a lot of time reading the way that we interacted with each other over the internet during a really uncertain time, and it sickened me. It was only a few weeks previous to this that we were stressing how important it was to be kind to each other, and I believed everyone. I fucking believed them. I believed that we were going to try hard to be better people for the sake of ourselves and others, but it never was that. It was just a popularity contest. It was a trend. Being kind was fashionable, and it had an expiry date. The moment a time of uncertainty came along, we threw it in the bin.
‘Broken Compass’ is meant to be about that (for me, anyway). It was me dealing with the negative interactions across Facebook. I can’t go on social media and scream and shout about how much I hate the way people are treating each other, but I can scream about it in an artwork. I can write about it with colour. I can say something strong with fire. I can talk about it with pattern, texture and shape.
The phrase, ‘I Have Witnessed So Many People Going The Wrong Way’ is stitched into the canvas in invisible thread. It’s quite beautiful because depending on the light, it can either look like it’s not there, or it can really illuminate. I chose the phrase because it was a popular comment on Facebook with regards to the one way systems that were put in place in the Supermarkets, and I liked it because I’ve got friends who believe the virus is a virus, and we’ve got to do whatever it takes to keep each other safe, and I also have friends who don’t fully believe in the virus, and think there is something more sinister going on under the corrupt hands of the government. I’ve got quite an open mind, so I quite like listening to everyone’s take on things, but I chose that phrase because I feel like it worked for both perspectives - the frustration of people not following the rules, and the frustration of people blindly following a government with ulterior motives.
‘Broken rules’ looks like a fire. I think it looks decayed, and diseased. It looks aggressive, and I see it as sore. I used pieces of broken double yellow lines on this canvas. I picked up lots of it recently on walks with my dog, Max, and for some reason, it stirred a joy in me that it was broken. Facing so many new and ever-changing, nonsensical rules, it genuinely made me happy that this one was crumbling. It’s not the same thing, of course. I can’t compare a double yellow line, to, I don’t know, being told that I can't see my family, or that I can't enjoy the outdoors, but those subjects were trigger points for people, and I didn’t want to make work about breaking those rules. I just wanted to make work about breaking rules, and so, the double yellow line would do. A double yellow line is a rule. I fucking hate rules, and this one was broken. I do find it interesting that we use shape and colour to create order, or to give instruction. It’s just a yellow line. It’s art to begin with, and then it disguises itself as authority. So, I’m just putting it back where it belongs, off the road, and onto a canvas.
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